Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
