I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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