I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
