So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
