Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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