What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's get the cat blown out
I can feel your judgement through the phone
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
