you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
