You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
