Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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