From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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