Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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