Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
