mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
