You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
