Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
