i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
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You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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