My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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