I just saw a hot homeless man
id be glad to
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
