Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My ass is underappreciated
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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