On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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