turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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