I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
