well I can't set my house on fire every night
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
