omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How external is "for external use only"?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
