Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
