you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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