This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
