if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
