shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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