I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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