dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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