All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
