She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
