i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
