Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
