Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dicks are not precious.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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