just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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