I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
