About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
