It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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