Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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