oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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