So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
