Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Houston, we have a squirter
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
