How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
