did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize