i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
