yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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