Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
