can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
