I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
