I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
