whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
