I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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