Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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