My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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