Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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