A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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