Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
