All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
