I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
