I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
50% drunk capacity currently
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
