Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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