I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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