remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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