Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
is it fun? or sober?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
