I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
