I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
