Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
