Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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