Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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